The Way of Love: A Proposal for the Church

W

e live in two worlds in the United States. We are not just Democrat and Republican, liberal and conservative, Christian and non-Christian. Those are not the primary distinctions. Those labels do not correlate with the two worlds I see.

One world is driven by resistance to the unknown, a desire for black-and-white clarity, a commitment to principles as a priority over people, and a view of the world which says there must be clear boundaries of action and belief and that those who cross the boundaries must be punished.

The other world is driven by desire for what they see as a better world and a willingness to engage what is unknown, a need to allow for uncertainty, a commitment to people more than principles, and a view of the world which says the boundaries are not always clear, that many boundaries are artificial and not always good or right, and that “punishment” should be measured and restorative.

One world defines pro-life primarily as against abortion and the other sees pro-life primarily as against abuse and violence, including war. One world sees homo-sexuality as sinful, even perverted, and the other sees it as part of God’s good creation. One world sees it as divided into groups (religious, national, racial groups), deciding who belongs and who doesn’t and the other sees the world as inclusive and open and seeks a time when most boundaries would no longer exist.

How in this world do we find common ground and move forward together? That’s the great question of our day. Is there any common ground between these two worlds? Are there any bridges between them that might enable us to cross in both directions to explore the other world and bring the worlds together?

LOVE IS OUR COMMON GROUND

Love is the common ground, not “warm and fuzzy” sentimentality, not false tolerance that excuses inappropriate behavior, but strong love that engages people of all kinds with compassion, grace, and generosity. We all need love, to be loved and to love. God created us that way. In God’s image, we were created to live in loving relationships, for God lives in loving relationship. The Christian teaching of the Trinity – God as three persons in one – describes the loving essence of relationship and provides a model for us to live by.

Ephesians says we are called to be like God and urges us to be imitators of God and to live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us. [4:24; 5:1-2] The gospel’s foundational message is the love of God and of Christ in this ultimate act of self-giving.

We see in the suffering and death of Jesus the deepest meaning of compassion, grace, and generosity, which are the heart of love. He exposed the dominant powers of this world, showing them to be arrogant and violent, by enduring the cross. How can we choose anything less than this way of love, if we claim the name of Christ as Christians?

The ultimate moral value is a compassionate, gracious, and generous love, full of passion, energy, and power. Love embraces people and confronts the power of evil in this world, revealing a moral vision compatible with the values of God’s kingdom, the shalom of God’s desire.

Strong love engages people we disagree with through a gracious, generous heart and mind. People motivate us to follow Jesus’ way of love because we know even their questioning and challenging of our beliefs and our lives demand a loving response. Do we not want the same from them?

Common ground in the church, at the very least, is the ground of God’s love. Our paths follow the firm soil of divine love, clearly marked out by compassion, grace, and generosity. We cross over bridges built from the rocks and minerals of this ground; they are bridges of love.

What I learned growing up, I seek to live by. Jesus said the essence of life is to love God and one another. Paul said the only thing that counts is faith expressing itself in love and that love is the only thing that lasts. Years of study in the scriptures, graduate research in theology, practical pastoral ministry and preaching, and testing of these thoughts in daily life have all convinced me that the foundation I received is solid.

In the past years I have been learning new meanings of compassion, grace, and generosity and new ways of expressing them. My understanding of the scrip-tures and of what God desires for us in the living out of these things continues to change, but these shifts of perspective happen on the high plateau of the mountain of God’s love. Leaving the mountain has not been an option.

This book is an invitation to the church to move forward together into a stronger love, letting go of all things except to love God and each other. To some extent perhaps we all have been “tight-fisted” toward other people, grasping our understanding of scripture and of moral principles so tightly that we have been unwilling to be “open-handed” in giving ourselves to people we disagree with.

LOVE AND FEAR

Fear drives this division within the church. Some people fear discovery. If what they believe, or who they are, becomes publicly known, they fear being ostracized, ridiculed, or fired. They fear the rejection of friends, family, and colleagues.

Some people fear what they do not understand. If they get too close to people who hold views that seem wrong to them, they fear being drawn into something sinful or evil. They fear becoming contaminated by it.

Some people fear losing the traditional moral ground which they have been taught is absolute truth. If they give too much ground to the “other side,” they fear a tectonic shift, an earthquake which would swallow up everything and destroy it. Or perhaps they fear only a slow chipping away of the foundation.

Some people fear losing control. If they don’t keep everything together in their positions as denominational leaders or pastors, for instance, they fear the whole struc-ture will collapse. They feel safer in a false community where people’s smiles and easy talk hide the slow erosion of trust and respect needed for true community.

What do we do with these fears? The ancient words are still true: Perfect love drives out fear. [1 John 4:18] If fear drives the divisions, then perfect love would drive out the divisions along with the fear. If fear is like an iceberg with only the tip showing above the surface, love melts away the ice from below.

Are we afraid of love itself? Are we afraid of what other people will think of us if they really know us? Are we afraid of what we might say or do if we honestly speak up? Are we afraid that we might have to accept or forgive someone we don’t want to accept or forgive? Are we afraid that we will lose courage if we publicly engage people in power?

At the core of divine love, we find a transforming power greater than any other. Love melts frozen hearts. Love opens closed minds. Love loosens the hard ground of bitter spirits. Love strengthens the feeble knees and faint hearts of the timid. Love converts the shy child who confronts the bully into the community hero. If we choose the creative power of love over the destructive force of fear, we can move together toward unity. We can move together into a place where everyone is safe.

A SAFE PLACE

Someone has said that until everyone is safe, no one is safe. We do not feel safe in the church any longer. The place of safety, the sanctuary, has been stolen from us by the fear we cling to. It has been stolen by words uttered by people on all sides of our conflicts cutting into the tender spots of our spirits, whether spoken from malice or ignorance. Only love for everyone can set us free and create the sense of safety and security we need to openly and freely live together in the midst of our disagreements.

Creating community that feels safe for people is not easy, but it is possible. People gather regularly in our home for prayer, for meals, for meetings of different kinds. We talk openly about our fears, questions, joys, sadness, gratitude, whatever we are experiencing in the moment. We listen to each other with love, sometimes inviting people to say more when they are hesitant, sometimes just affirming what they feel, sometimes praying with them. We laugh. We cry. We hug.

People experience healing in these gatherings. We know we are loved and accepted here. We know we will not be judged by others in the group. We know we can express anger, happiness, doubt, faith, fear, sadness, grief, excitement, or whatever we are feeling at the time. We can tell our stories, however good or bad, sad or happy, and people will listen with respect, acceptance, and love. We experience community as a safe place.

Scripture offers many metaphors for God as the One who makes us feel safe and secure — the good shep-herd, a rock, a mountain, the hen gathering us under her wings, the mother holding us as an infant at her breast, a cloud covering and hiding us, the host offering us pro-tection in the tent and providing a feast, the father wel-coming us home as lost children, and many more.

God desires the church, as the body of Christ, to also be a place of refuge, of safety and security, a place for us to be safe from what threatens us. Yet in the current climate of the churches and denominations in America, we experience just the opposite.

When we go to denominational meetings or gather with other Christians or perhaps even go to our own congregation for worship or study, we often do not feel safe. We experience suspicion, anger, lack of respect, and condemnation. We experience a lack of compassion, grace, and generosity. We do not experience love.

Why not? What can we do? How can we create in our homes and churches and denominational meetings a place that will be safe for everyone? Love sets us free from fear, but unless we create space where people can love without fear, how will we be free? We can choose a love that enables us to create safety, to provide a place of security for people to sit and talk together about their thoughts, hopes, fears, and dreams. We can choose a love that provides a safe place to disagree, knowing we will be welcomed for who we are.

We are safe when we know diversity is welcomed, even encouraged, when agreement is not forced or even expected. We are safe when we know people will listen to our deepest feelings with deep respect and will not judge, criticize, or condemn; rather we will be loved as we are.

God’s love creates a safe community. God loves us as we are, listens to every feeling and thought, honors us as loving parents honor their children. God’s love flows from the divine heart to our hearts, creating in us a desire to love others as they are, to listen to their feelings and thoughts, to honor them as members of the same family.

God-given love assures us that we will be treated with compassion, grace, and generosity by other people in this place. We can say what is in our hearts and minds, knowing that we will not be rejected even if other people do not accept our ideas. As God’s love flows through us to one another, as the Spirit energizes and enlivens us, as God’s presence becomes palpable and God’s love tangible, we will know that we are in a safe place.

ONE IN THE SPIRIT

The history of the church bears testimony to the all-too-human reality that we will never all think alike. The hope that some creed or statement of faith or set of doctrinal propositions or list of moral values will unify us is a false hope because it has never worked. History gives abundant testimony to that reality.

We are one in the Spirit, not in any one under-standing of what the Spirit says. We are one in Jesus Christ, not in any specific written expression of who Jesus is and what our relationship to Christ must be. We are one in God, our Creator, Redeemer, and Sustainer, not in any creed or statement that seeks to define God.

We are of one blood and race, the human family, created by God in God’s image. We are neither Democrat nor Republican, neither liberal nor conservative; we are all one in Jesus Christ through the Spirit. We are neither male nor female, Paul said, and I would add neither gay nor straight, neither pro-life nor pro-choice; we are all one in Jesus Christ through the Spirit.

God’s gracious, loving choice made us one, and all our human attempts to divide cannot negate God’s choice. But our human divisions can make it impossible to experience the unity given us by God.

Where the Spirit of God is, there is peace, the Bible says. Where God’s love is known and felt, there is safety, a sense of refuge and security, a place where we are not afraid. One common invitation in Scripture is “Be not afraid.” The words are spoken when God’s presence is clearly expressed. God’s loving, compassionate, gracious, and generous presence makes us feel safe.

Can we say to each other, “be not afraid”? Will they believe us if we say it? Can we let people follow the path they believe God is leading them down and trust God to guide them? If people are on a wrong path, or if they are living contrary to God’s desires for them, can we trust the Spirit to convict them and move them in a different direction? Can we be together in God’s presence, knowing the grace of God alone makes any of us “acceptable” before God, and trusting God with that other person’s life?

The challenge to the church in our day is to do all we can to create safe places for people to be together, to create an environment – as much as it is up to us – where people can live and work and worship in safety. A place where people can talk and discuss their differences with-out fear. Where people know they are honored, respected, trusted, and loved, and where God’s presence is palpable.

Nothing less than this will provide the common ground upon which we can move forward together. Is this a hopeless dream? An impossible vision? A utopian day-dream that has no basis in reality?

Or is it the kingdom of God? Is it the shalom of which the prophets spoke? Is it God’s desire and dream – God’s will – for us, especially as Christians who claim the name of Christ Jesus?

THE CURRENT DISSENSION

In the current climate of the church in America, especially around the question of inclusion of persons who are gay and lesbian, the loudest voices come from leaders on the outer edges of the conflict.

Voices calling for full recognition of gay and lesbian persons within the life and ministry of the church have often been strident, sometimes angry and trembling with the passion of the rejection and oppression they have felt, and at times humble and loving.

Currently the traditional voices calling for clear definition of all practice of homosexuality as sinful and for an end to dialogue on the question have intensified. At times these voices are angry, and at times they are humble. Yet now procedural actions to bar clergy and congre-gations who represent the emerging voices from speaking out are underway.

Most people feel unsafe in this turmoil which is driven by fear, with many people unwilling to speak out.

Can the church become a safe place for people to live and talk together even when they are divided about something so important to everyone? Safety is central to the challenge of living together.

When people feel unsafe in their environment, they stop talking. They stop meeting. They stop believing in each other. They stop seeing the face of God in each other and start seeing the face of “the enemy” who cannot be trusted or honored or loved.

Can the church learn to live together with a com-passionate, gracious, and generous love? The history of the church gives little reason to think we can. But I’m an optimist. More than that, my hope is in God and not in history. God has made the church one body in Christ and calls us to live that reality in our relationships. What God has called us to do, God will give us grace to do.

A GRACIOUS SEPARATION

Is there a way to keep everyone in the family? Maybe not, although I wish there were. Jesus prayed for the church to live as one, and so do I. But so far we have not found a way. Some people are determined, it seems, not to have Christian fellowship with people who hold strong convictions on the other side of the question concerning homosexuality. Can that change? Yes. Will it change? I don’t know.

In a marriage, if one spouse decides that the re-lationship is over and that he or she is leaving, there is seldom anything the other spouse can do ultimately to save the marriage. This may be an apt analogy for what is happening in my denomination.

I am convinced, though no one has surveyed the church in this way, that 75% of people in the mainline denominations would accept the diversity of a more inclusive church if we could then move beyond this question of homosexuality to do the mission and ministry to which God has called the church.

I know many conservative leaders are convinced the opposite is true – that the vast majority of people in the pews want the question settled by denominational policy opposing acceptance of gay and lesbian persons as leaders and clergy and saying the practice of homo-sexuality is unacceptable.

When people are asked if they think homosexuality is compatible with Christian teaching, or some variation of that question, a majority still tend to say no. But who has surveyed the churches to ask if people think the church should be open to everyone or if they think God’s love is unconditional or if they believe freedom of conscience and of interpretation of scripture is more important?

Where are the surveys asking if people consider love the most important value? Or the surveys asking if they would be willing to leave the question of homo-sexuality to individual conscience so the denomination can move forward with the rest of its mission?

Have the members in the pews been asked the simple question of whether they think the denomination should split? Or is the primary impetus for that movement coming from leaders beating the drums of schism and inflaming the passions of people who might be willing to choose a different path?

The way questions are posed makes all the differ-rence in determining “majority opinion” on any issue. I believe that a large majority of the people in most Christian denominations in the United States today favor a more inclusive church without rancor and wrangle over issues, a church focused on a mission of proclaiming God’s love and living in that love in this world.

We have struggled desperately to save the denom-inations, arguing, debating, voting, being silent. So far we have not succeeded. Maybe it is time to allow the freedom for people to choose gracious separation, if that is what they want. Maybe it’s time to let some congregations and clergy go their own ways, if they choose, and unite the large majority who remain. If we don’t do that, we may be choosing to continue the struggle until nothing remains.

Property is a significant obstacle to letting some congregations go. Some denominations retain ownership of the property of local congregations if the local church body chooses to leave the denomination. The congre-gations are appropriately concerned about losing their property. And the denominational structures couldn’t absorb the demands of maintaining the property anyway.

Money is another obstacle to letting congre-gations go. Some churches threatening to leave are strong financial supporters of the denominations, which are already struggling to stay alive financially. The logical question is how the denomination would continue without that support

These are serious obstacles to separation. But what will happen if there is no gracious separation and the struggle culminates in congregations leaving and lawsuits being filed over property and money? Does anyone believe God would desire that? Does God want us to continue consuming so much energy on this struggle rather than putting our energies into the mission of Christ in the world?

God desires us to live together in love, in rela-tionships marked by compassion, grace, and generosity. If that is not possible for some people because of their commitment to certain moral or theological principles, gracious separation may be the only alternative. Given this challenge, there may be two alternatives – either to continue an increasingly bitter struggle for the control of the denominations, which could end in rancorous lawsuits, or to allow gracious separation for those who choose that course and to engage the diverse majority in ongoing relationship.

LOVING TRANSFORMATION

This invitation to the church captures the essence of who God is and of God’s call to the church in the process of creating new ways of living together, perhaps new relationships or new structures for the church. I believe this is God’s invitation to all of us, to the whole world, certainly to the church. We are invited by God to move toward love and into a greater compassion, grace, and generosity.

How do we begin in a practical way to seek just, peaceful, and loving transformation of our conflicted situation, leading to reconciliation among the people involved? Even gracious separation has an element of reconciliation because if it is done well different groups can maintain their integrity and values and live peacefully at a distance within the larger church.

We cannot continue with our survival mentality, reacting to every challenge or threat from any group by appeasement, seeking only to save the denominations. We must move toward creating the safe place, the sanctuary, of God’s loving presence.

Fear drives the attempt to appease threatening forces in the hope that we can “keep the family together.” Fear increases insecurity and instability of the family and thereby worsens the conflict we are trying to resolve. As long as we continue to live in fear, we will gain nothing; rather we will eventually lose everything.

Love drives out fear. Love creates a sense of secur-ity and stability. Love leads us on a path toward recon-ciliation. Love may not resolve all the conflicts or end all the disagreements; but it will keep us together or help us to separate graciously, for it contains the seed of faith-fulness to one another and to God which, in time, bears the fruit of true unity.

What is our goal? Is it to accommodate and compromise? It is easy to be reactive, either being angrily defensive or trying to appease threatening forces in an attempt to hold things together. The first only stokes the fires of conflict, and the second is like waiting out the small tremors before a big earthquake, hoping the quake will not come.

If our goal is to create a safe place in the church for people to live together, in all their diversity, our responses will be different. We will be driven not by fear but possessed by love. We will resist the temptations and lure of angry words, self-righteous judgments, unfeeling pronouncements, exclusive policies, and unloving rela-tionships. Rather we will choose to open ourselves to the transforming power of compassion, grace, and generosity.

We have suffered one trauma after another in the churches, at denominational meetings as we have debated and voted on resolutions and policies, in smaller groups as we have felt forced to conform or as we have confronted and too often condemned others in the church, in too many conversations where we have listened to and passed on rumors of what we have overheard from other sources. These repeated traumas have left us frozen, pumped up for another fight, or ready to run away from it all.

We are left exhausted, angry, and without energy to continue. But God’s love can renew our resiliency, the ability to bounce back from another meeting or con-versation, the willingness perhaps even go to another meeting or engage in another conversation. How do we experience that renewed energy and build such resiliency in the churches and the denominations?

SAFE PLACE COMMUNITIES

That ability to bounce back with a willingness to return to places where we have suffered traumas of hurt, anger, offense, and rejection comes when we feel that we can return to a space that is safe for everyone. Only God’s love will provide that safe space. When people gather in the Presence with a mutual commitment to compassion, grace, and generosity in their hearts, their words, and their actions, only then will we experience a safe place to be together.

That seemingly impossible task is the invitation of this book. If hope exists for our denominations and churches, we must learn to live together in God’s love. We must find enough people willing to journey together in this spirit, with a full commitment to participate in a com-munity which is safe for everyone, where everyone feels loved.

For our conversations to feel safe, all participants agree to follow certain guidelines. There is nothing new in what I present here. Peacebuilding groups and conflict trans-formation programs have been teaching this way of relating for many years. (If you want to know more than this summary includes, do an internet search of these terms, and you will find more resources than you can use.)

This approach to community building and caring group interaction may be familiar or it may be new. But for all of us this can serve as a review and reminder of practical guidelines for engaging other people in con-versation and in relationships in ways which can create safe space for all participants.

Here is my suggested covenant for groups desiring to create a safe place for their members to live together in love.

A Safe Place Covenant

Believing that love is the ultimate moral value because Jesus calls us to love God and one another above all else, we agree to ask ourselves and each other one core question: “Does this contribute to love?”

We agree to measure our thoughts, feelings, words, and actions by this one question, with the help of God’s Spirit. As much as possible, we will not speak or act until we have reviewed ourselves in this way. And if the group challenges our words or actions by this question, we will allow them to help us examine again what we said or did.

We agree that the practices of compassion, grace, and generosity are primary evidence of love, and we commit ourselves to engage each other in conversation and relationship by following these practices to the best of our understanding.

We agree to seek to live together in love by being faithful to these guidelines for our attitudes and behaviors:

• Honor each person as one created in the image of God and loved by God.
• Ask God’s blessing for each person and for ourselves as we seek to see and hear as God does.
• Listen prayerfully, attentively, and without judg-ment to each person, being generous in our inter-pretation of what we hear and assuming a good motivation for what was said.
• Speak for ourselves and not for others, using “I” rather than “You” as we tell our stories.
• Ask for more clarification to ensure better understanding before responding, especially when what was said seems unclear or inappropriate.
• Give each person appropriate time to finish his/her story or thought before anyone responds.
• Agree to one exception – when something that is said feels hurtful or harmful, others in the group may interrupt to say, “Ouch! That hurts; that didn’t feel good…,” and may ask the person to say it a different way or to ask for clarification of what was said.
• Invite full disclosure of a person’s story, feelings, and ideas, granting complete confidentiality – that nothing said will be repeated in another place without that person’s permission.
• Allow for silence after each sharing of a story.
• Grant permission for anyone to ask for a time of silence and/or prayer, suspending the flow of conversation temporarily.
• Agree as a group to act with loving responsibility to provide emotional safety if any member of the group feels distressed or anyone becomes verbally or physically threatening or abusive.

Safe Place groups

God’s ways of love are beyond our ways. The Spirit often moves in ways we do not plan. No one can create an agenda for Safe Place gatherings stating exactly what the group will do and discuss in a given period of time. Meetings driven by a formal agenda, or even people’s informal and unwritten agendas, seldom allow the Spirit freedom to move as God desires.

A general structure to guide the process, however, can be helpful. If the participants have a common understanding of what they might do together, the meetings will flow more smoothly. These gatherings could be filled with a variety of activities, given the movement of God’s Spirit. These are essential activities for a Safe Place group:

Prayer - Prayer serves as the basic activity in the sanctuary and the context of all that happens. Safe Place groups are Sanctuary groups, experiencing the presence of God, acknowledging the divine presence in many ways, giving their attention to how the Spirit moves them.

Verbal prayers may be offered by members of the group in traditional ways – opening and closing prayers, sentence prayers, time set aside for prayers, prayers as part of worship. Nonverbal prayer, sometimes called centering, can also be helpful and is often done at the beginning.

Silent prayers of the heart are essential to these groups. They may be offered throughout the times of conversation, study, dialogue, and other group activities. Ask God’s blessing on others – and on ourselves to see and hear as God does. Seek discernment for what to say and when to be silent. Offer wordless prayer as we wait upon God to speak or act, not even knowing what to pray.

Silence can be planned, such as agreeing to brief silence following someone’s sharing of his or her story. At times someone will sense the group needs to stop and be silent, waiting for the Spirit to move or to speak. One or more persons may then pray aloud, or the group may return to its conversation. This, too, is prayer.

Scripture reading – Reading scripture serves a core role in the activities of the group. Christians believe that God has spoken through the scriptures, revealing much that we need to hear. We believe that God continues to speak through the Spirit, so we listen to scripture with that expectation. Our understanding of God and ourselves, of the church and the world, of all reality, comes primarily out of scripture. It holds an unparalleled authority for the church.

Scripture texts may be chosen before the group gathers to be used for reading, prayer, study, and dis-cussion. The scriptures presented in this book may be a good place to begin. [A companion to this book is also available with additional resources for scripture reading.]

A divine reading of scripture, called lectio divina, may be used as one means of listening to what God wants to say to the group, hearing with the ears of the heart. This approach is best used in smaller groups, so if your group is large you may want to form new groups for this time.

A common way of following this model is to read slowly one passage of scripture, often not more than a dozen verses; the group silently listens to what the Spirit may be saying, centering the heart and mind in God. After a second reading, each person speaks one word or phrase from the text which speaks an important word in that moment. After a third reading, each person may share aloud what God seems to be saying in that word or phrase. After a fourth reading, each person may share how God seems to be leading, what the Spirit may want to do. Prayer bathes the entire experience in a sense of being with God.

Many ways of reading scripture are available to us. The method is not as important as that we are listening together in love to what we understand God to be saying to us individually and as a group.

Listening to stories – Telling our stories is a core activity. Whether we call it testimony, witness, or sharing, we tell the group what we understand God is already doing in our lives. The Jerusalem Council, in Acts 15, did this as a primary activity.

Our stories are all different. We will at times tell of trauma and tragedy, of sadness and grief. At times we will speak of laughter and joy and victory. We may talk of deep hurts, of offenses received or given, of anger and bit-terness. We may share deep peace, forgiveness, healing, and conversion experiences. Stories are holy ground.

Our stories help other people know who we are, why we live as we do, and why we hold certain con-victions. When we listen to each others’ stories, we understand the other person more than ever, and more than we would by simply talking about ideas, beliefs, and interpretations of scripture. We can argue with people’s ideas, but the story is theirs to tell without disagreement.

One aspect of story-telling is to listen in love to the different ways in which people have experienced the group’s history. For members of a local congregation, for instance, or a group which has been together for several years, there is a common history. But each person has ex-perienced the relationship differently, just as in a marriage the spouses tell different stories of the history of their relationship.

In listening to all the stories, we may discover why we are so different or why we are in conflict, if we are. For our experience is our reality, our truth, even though it differs from others. In the listening we can begin to construct a new story for the group’s future by choosing how we will live together from now on.

Conversation – Conversation about what is impor-tant to us is an essential activity. Every group has mem-bers with very different perspectives of what is most important, whether the issue is moral values, religious doctrine, interpretation of scripture, or the way the organization operates.

Honoring each person means we will listen attentively and prayerfully to one another’s perspectives. I need to know what each person considers important and to hear the reasons why. And I need each person to listen to me. In these Safe Place groups, our conversation will be faithful to the covenant we adopted.

Different models for this kind of conversation can be used. One method is to go around the circle, usually allowing people to pass if they want to. Each person gets a certain amount of time and can choose to speak or to be silent during that time. Brief questions for clarification may be allowed.

Introverts, especially analytical persons, may need more time to gather their thoughts before they speak; this model allows for that need. Extroverts, especially spon-taneous persons, may be unaware of the time and keep talking beyond the allotted time; this model monitors that tendency.

Once we know what we each consider important and why, we can begin to consider what we will talk about first and why it needs to be discussed. Knowing why each person considers something important is as necessary as knowing its importance to him or her. We may find some common ground in the reasons why even if what we define as important differs.

The reasons we consider something important are part of our story, and until we hear each other’s story we may not be able to understand their reasons. So listening to stories may well come before conversations about what is most important.

Discernment – Discerning what God desires for this group is an important activity. The group’s purpose in coming together may not require decisions about what it does beyond these gatherings. However, most groups – congregations, clergy groups, denominational bodies – cooperate in ministry, mission, worship, public advocacy, and a variety of activities. Their continuing work together requires them to discern as a group what God desires.

Discernment is not just about making decisions. We want to discern the heart of God and the Spirit’s movement in our life together. Learning to discern well begins with centering in Jesus and seeking the kingdom in our midst. It requires the humility to say, “I don’t know,” and the ability to be indifferent to all but God’s will.

All the other activities feed into this one. While there is no simple step-by-step progression of activities, and stories, prayer, scripture reading, conversation, and discernment all interweave as the activities of a group, making a decision about group identity or the nature of mission can only be done well when enough time has been given to the other activities.

Discernment of the Spirit’s leading for a group comes out of ample time spent in prayer, reading of scripture, listening to our stories, and probably extended conversation about what is important and why.

The group then needs to test its sense of discernment. One way to do that is to ask questions like, “Where did I feel God’s presence?” and “What am I grateful for?” Another way to test the discernment is by returning to the other activities, going again to prayer and scripture, to story and conversation. Only when the group’s sense of discernment is clear can the group move decisively, confidently forward into the future God has in mind for it.

Safe Place GROUP NETWORKS

The more Safe Place groups we create, and the more they network for mutual support and accountability, the greater their impact on the church. I do not imagine a formal network organized as a formal structure with official leaders. Any network authorized by an existing organization or denomination will probably not work because it would be obligated to live within the system which is already struggling.

Safe Place groups might be organized within congregations. Many local churches are not experienced as safe places now, so new groups would be formed for the purpose of providing sanctuary for people who want to learn how to live together in love. All would be welcome to participate as long as they are willing to live by the Safe Place Covenant adopted by the group.

If you initiate a Safe Place group in your congre-gation, invite people with a diversity of beliefs and prac-tices. Extend the invitation to people you know disagree with you on key principles and ideas to talk with you, to pray and read scripture with you, to seek the heart of Christ together.

Safe Place groups might include people from several congregations. I do not imagine seeking board or congre-gational approval for these groups or making this a project of the whole congregation. I envision individuals with a fervent desire to see the church live together in love inviting other people they know to their homes or some neutral place for these informal gatherings. Seeking organizational approval and authority might shut down the effort quickly because of the same fears that generate the current divisions.

I know many people of different churches and denominations who share similar desires to see the church spiritually thrive in love. They also are quite diverse in their theological and moral beliefs. Would some of them not be willing to create sanctuary for people to begin this journey toward a church united in Christ?

Safe Place groups might be organized as clergy gatherings. Existing clergy groups might choose to spend time together intentionally to provide a safe place for their members to engage in the activities I have described here. Or new, informal gatherings could be organized to pro-vide a new space.

Most communities have several clergy groups, often distinguished by their differences in theology or liturgical practice and sometimes by their differences in moral and political commitments. Perhaps some of the clergy from these different groups would be willing to agree to the covenant and to a number of gatherings as a Safe Place community.

Safe Place groups might be initiated within a single denomination. Their purpose would be to bring together people with a diversity of ideas who are willing to live together in love and are willing to agree to the Covenant in their gatherings.

Denominational Safe Place groups might be or-ganized geographically, with clergy and lay leaders from a defined area, or formed by people who serve together in an existing group who see the importance of gathering informally at another time or by using part of their time at the formal meetings for this purpose.

A Safe Place group network would be a work of love, literally and figuratively. No formal structure would sup-port it financially, paying for people’s time and travel and providing publicity, except that grant funds might be found to help with expenses. People filled with desire for the church to live in love and unity would initiate invitations for people to join them and give leadership to these groups.

I do not imagine that these would necessarily be continuing groups. Any one group, meeting locally or nationally, either within one congregation or within a national denomination, might choose to meet six to eight times and then dissolve.

Multiple small groups meeting on their own, generating still more groups, could create a grassroots movement spreading out into the whole church. It could. It is possible. Whether it will, only God knows. But it’s worth our time and energy if only a few people experience a way of living together marked by compassion, grace, and generosity and if they experience the unity of the Spirit in a way they’ve never known before.

The transforming power of God’s love experi-enced in diverse communities can create a church few of us have known. Seek first the kingdom of God, Jesus said, and all these things will be given to you.

People will be encouraged and empowered to tell their stories freely because they know they are in a safe place. People will be able to talk about how they have been hurt or why they feel at risk or threatened by others in the larger community. People will have a place to be heard where they will not be afraid to say whatever is in their hearts. This is shalom. This is the sanctuary, the safe place, God desires the church to be. It is the kingdom of God.

A Final Word