Safe Place

A Safe Place Covenant

Examine

Believing that love is the ultimate moral value, we agree to ask ourselves and each other this core question: “Does this contribute to love?” We agree to measure our thoughts, feelings, words, and actions by this one question. As much as possible, we will not speak or act until we have reviewed ourselves in this way. And if others challenge our words or actions by this question, we will allow them to help us examine again what we said or did.

Engage

We agree that the practices of compassion, grace, and generosity are primary evidence of love, and we commit ourselves to engage each other in conversation and relationship by following these practices to the best of our understanding. We agree to seek to live together in love by being faithful to these attitudes and behaviors, giving honor and respect to each person.

Listen

Listen attentively and without judgment to each person, being generous in our interpretation of what we hear and assuming a good motivation for what was said. Ask for more clarification to ensure better understanding before responding, especially when what was said seems unclear or inappropriate.

Give each person appropriate time to finish his or her story or thought before anyone responds. Invite full disclosure of a person’s story, feelings, and ideas, granting complete confidentiality – that nothing said will be repeated in another place without that person’s permission.

Allow for silence after each sharing of a person’s story. Grant permission for anyone to ask for a time of silence, suspending the flow of conversation temporarily.

Speak

Speak for ourselves and not for others, using “I” rather than “You” as we tell our stories. Agree to one exception – when something that is said feels hurtful or harmful, others may interrupt to say, “Ouch! That hurts; that didn’t feel good…,” and may ask the person to say it a different way or to ask for clarification of what was said.

Act

Agree to act with loving responsibility to provide emotional safety if anyone feels distressed or anyone becomes verbally or physically threatening or abusive.

(Short Version)

Examine: We will ask, “Does this contribute to love?” before we do anything.

Engage: We will act with respect, compassion, and generosity toward every person.

Listen: We will look for what is good in others, listening to their whole story.

Speak: We will speak only for ourselves, except to speak up for someone who is hurt.

Act: We will make people feel safe when they are with us.

Used by permission. © 2006 by Jimmy Reader. Original © 2004 by Jimmy Reader from Moral Values: What I Learned Growing Up in Church, available online at www.lifelistening.com